Every year for the past few years I plan to do NaNoWriMo. By plan I mean I think about doing it for a few weeks then all of a sudden it’s November 1st. It’s either that or I realize it’s November and I make a
half-assed attempt to continue writing the story I’ve been working on and do 50k in addition to what I already have.
As you’ve probably guessed, neither of those have worked. This year, I again found myself on November 1st without a solid plan. For good reason, I’m struggling through an 8:30 to 5 job with a grueling commute and I. Am. Tired. (More on this at a later time)
Anyway it was November 1st and I was sitting at work bored and feeling inspired. So I started writing. I didn’t plan or give myself time to work and rework the plot, I decided—for the first time—to really truly pants my way into a story. Aannnd it’s been not bad! But as I write this on Black Friday, I’m only about 7300 words in….oops?
On the plus side, it’s been a long time time since I’ve written this much in 3 weeks, so yay for that. But sometime last week, I really started questioning myself and whether I was cut out to be an author. And worse, whether it was something I even wanted. I’ve never finished a full story from beginning to end.
I’m not sure of very many things in my life. But I’ve been sure about writing since 2014 and that moment of doubt I had this month really threw me for a loop…and it was the final kick in the ass I needed to get this blog up as running. This is obviously not fiction, but I want my writing out in the world no matter the format.
I’m not going to hit 50k words this November and I don’t know that I ever thought I would. I really just wanted to write everyday and write every crazy thing I could come up with. The latter has been fun. I think I wear myself out by trying to get the story perfect on the first go and I know that’s impossible. I need to make some mistakes and grow and carve out what it is I’m actually trying to say.
I’m going to keep doing this for now, editing might be a bitch if I get to that stage. But I need to stretch my creative legs a little without the self imposed pressure of wanting to be done with a story and published ASAP.
So if you need me, I’ll be over here. Writing.